Volume 4, Issue 1 (Summer 2016)
Binky Atop the Ideal Diner by Thadra Sheridan
The Way We Move by Kathleen Harris
Clearing Out Daddy’s Basement by Anne Anthony
Read My Shoe by Pete Peterson
Pilgrim Through Space and Time by Marleen S. Barr
[number one] by Catherine Orlando
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Not submitting. Just thought you might enjoy a true Christmas story before the holiday ends. Cheers!
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Amanda, why did you change the Scottish fast food joint to MacDonald’s? Din’t you trist your readership to make the connection? Please change it back. You said you would let me know of any changes prior to publication.
Hullo again, William. I changed “the Scottish fast food joint” to “MacDonald’s” not because I didn’t think readers would make the connection but because it didn’t work very well with the overall serious tone of the opening. It distracted from that paragraph. As it was a minor change (and the only edit we made) I didn’t think it would be an issue. But of course I’ll change it back if that is what you prefer.
We have a question with the piece, where can i contact the author?
Literary allusions: the curse of
Those who overdo—or, as some say–
Overdid the Reading thing.
I speak of close associates,
Imaginary friends you’ve not met,
Let alone read (pronounced “RED”) about.
Like this guy down at Moe’s Tavern,
An 8th Avenue writer’s bar I frequent.
Let’s call him “Paulie Muldoon,”
A fat Irish slob who claims to be
Poetry Editor, “The New Yorker.”
Paulie likes to give me tips on
HOW TO GET PUBLISHED!
Like me, he’s never
Been in print anywhere,
Other than his cum-encrusted laptop, &
A letter he once wrote to the editors of
“The National Jew Review,”
A radical Zionist quarterly
Funded by The Mel Brooks Foundation,
Harvey Weinstein & Condé Nast.
Nevertheless, Paulie seems to know
A lot about the publishing business,
Particularly after six stiff Jack & Cokes.
He says the thing is this:
The best of the Ivy-League’s
English majors wind up in Manhattan,
Slaving away in cubicles,
Working for peanuts—literally,
The publishing industry has some sort of
Barter agreement with Planters.
They sit around on their asses all day,
Getting their kishkes in a twist,
Eating peanuts, perusing manuscripts,
Like chimp Zoo valedictorians.
The manuscripts submitted by the hopeful
And–for the most part–delusional.
According to Paulie, these Yalie Princeton,
Harvard Columbiana WORDMEISTERS
Are more likely. . .
(Urban Dictionary: word-meister (www.urbandictionary.com/define.php? 1. Something yelled in place of a cuss word. 2. a rare species of humpback whales. 3. small children whose mother’s name is Debbie.)
. . . More apt to be impressed with your crap,
If you lay siege their psychic CPUs,
Pushing a few obscure,
Mnemonic function keys, remembrances
Of past Proustian peregrinations.
That’s right, you get a much
Better shot at sidestepping that
First smug obstacle of arrogance.
Slather them. Go right
Ahead & flatter them with
Lotions, potions & emoluments,
Vain secret satisfactions,
Tidbits of titillation,
Things that only some poof
That actGiuseppi Martino Buonaiutoually had read “The Crucible.”
Or “The Scarlet Letter,”
Could possibly know,
Let alone, remember.
For a publisher’s bitch-boy,
A synaptic switch is keyed,
Tripping off an avalanche of
And, while we’re on the subject, has
Anyone actually read Melville’s “OMOO?”
i plant the seed. the complexity begins.
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Can a piece be submitted if it was already published on a podcast?
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